Tools, no aircraft hanger should be without

After reading the " Top Ten dissapointements in Aircraft building " I was motivated to post the following descriptions, of the assorted tools found in most of the homebuilders shops.
Enjoy,,,

Common Hanger Tools Defined


DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat aluminum bar stock out of your hands, so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted vertical stabilizer which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, "Oh sh!#..."

SKILL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make your aluminum blank's to short.

PLIERS: Used to round off AN bolt heads, and also used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off your AN bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of intense welding heat fom your chrome moly tubing, to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch your forming blocks into the wall, to test the wall's integrity.

E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future use.

BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can, after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool used for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect from your Rotax, before it's removal from the aircraft.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing Shell Aero oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws.

PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the aluminum surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER: A tool designed specifically to make hoses too short.

HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to destroy the most expensive part, next to the object we are trying to hit.

DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the hanger while yelling 'DAMMIT!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Happy building

Robert Pelland
The 701 & 750 Scratch

Views: 202

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Comment by Dr. Edward M. Moody II on May 3, 2009 at 1:24pm
Our research at Legros Memorial Airport, Riding Academy and Gentlemen's Benevolent Association (3R2) has shown that pieces of scrap aluminum demonstrate an amazing ability that is suspected to be a survival adaptation. They are always too small for whatever you are about to build so that they may continue to survive in the ecosystem of the scrap bin. But for this willful mutation, they would cease to be scrap and forever be resigned to the conformity of participating in an ordered structure.

Ed Moody II
Director of Research
Member, Board of Cold Beer Consumption
Comment by Brad DeMeo on April 28, 2009 at 6:36pm
My daughter is restoring a '66 roadster. I sent this to her. She laughed out load. She sends her thanks.
Comment by Jonathan Porter on April 28, 2009 at 1:59pm
Wonderful.

I have a DAMMIT phone - or used to.... now when the (latest) phone rings in the middly stressfully bity of lining up some part or other, the girls in workshop shout "I'll get it"' - it reduces the risk of Ricochet and means that I dont buy so many DAMMIT phones.. ! (the last one still has a bit embedded in the wall and fragments are occassionaly found in sweepings. (may it rest in pieces).
Comment by Andrew Aston on April 27, 2009 at 4:03pm
A lot of that sounds horribly familiar. It made me laugh out loud though.
I've also got a metric measuring tape whose numbers occasionally change places to confuse me, I've not caught it red handed but I know it does it.
I also want to know who drills holes in the skin under the one I'm drilling but slightly to the left or right?
Comment by Robert Stacey on April 27, 2009 at 10:49am
Interesting take on all my cherished posessions! Sounds like a PLANS builder..
Im on my second set of welded tanks and you could do a long list of Damits on welding aluminum. Where did the inside threads on the flanges disappear? They where there before I welded the flange...
Why do I aways burn a hole at the end of a seam instead of at the beginning???
Happy building!
Why do you always have lots of scrap pieces left over that are just a little smaller that what you need?
Just part of the Joy of Cooking(with Aumimum).
Comment by Richard Jennings on April 26, 2009 at 9:12pm
Very good Robert. As a mechanic, I have a lot of Dammit tools... Once I threw one and it bounced off the floor and right through a window in my shop. What did I say? I am working on self control now. My wife bought me a plastic tool kit.

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